


All of You

by CastheNerdfighter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sabriel - Freeform, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 01:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10205417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastheNerdfighter/pseuds/CastheNerdfighter
Summary: Sam was finally, finally at college. He was glad to leave home, even if it meant leaving Dean back home with Dad. He was ready to build a new life. But what will happen when a cute trickster catches his eye?





	1. Move in Day

**Author's Note:**

> I love the idea of Sam being a cuddle whore - under a pile of blankets. :)
> 
> My first completed fic - please be nice!

Sam had dreamed of this moment. Literally, all throughout last school year and into the summer, he dreamed of going to school far away from the hell hole he called his home town, the poor excuse of his father, and the distinct absence of his mother. He would miss Dean, but Dean promised to look for a new place soon, since the only reason he stuck around in the first place was to take care of Sam. It wasn’t like their father was going to do that.  
  
Sam was lucky. He got into the only college he could afford to apply to, receiving a full scholarship. He also won enough outside scholarships to keep him set on books and other non-tuition items like food and video games. He even got into the residential college he had applied to, and gotten one of the few single rooms. After living in the same room as Dean for most of his life, he was glad to not have a roommate for once. Dean always said Sam was smart, but Sam knew it was only luck. He wasn’t lucky in his home life, so he made up for it with good grades and a decent life at school.  
  
He hoped he would do better here at college than he did in high school.  
  
Ever since middle school, he was labeled a nerd. But a cool nerd. With every growth-spurt, he rose about his classmates. He was sought out by basketball, football, and even baseball to play. He was right in the middle. Neither a complete loser or a particularly popular kid.  
  
“Earth to Sammy. Come in Sammy, do you copy?” Dean was waving his hand in front of Sam’s face. He’d zoned out while carrying boxes in from the car.  
  
“Huh? Oh, sorry Dean, just got lost in thought.”  
  
“Well get lost somewhere else, I thought you wanted help carrying all these boxes, gigantor!” Dean joked, but Sam knew it was lighthearted, and that Dean wanted to make the best of the situation. Dean would miss Sam, more than he would admit, and was trying to play it cool.  
  
“Thanks, Dean. I think that’s the last of it though!”  
  
Sam hadn’t brought much to fill his small dorm room. Just some clothes, a lamp, a fan (there was no air conditioning in the old dorm), and lots of blankets for the bed. For some reason, Sam loved to have lots of blankets to nest in, even on hot summer days.  
  
“Well, I think you’ve definitely got enough blankets. I even bought you a new one!” Dean pointed to a bright pink, glittery box that was lying on the pile of blankets at the foot of the bed. Sam opened it to find an equally bright pink blanket with a sequined moose on it.  
  
“Gee, thanks Dean.” Sam cringed, and as soon as Dean rode off in his Impala to start his drive home, he hid the blanket in between two normal colored ones. But, and he would admit this to no one, he treasured that blanket more than any of his others.


	2. First Day of Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wasn't sure yet if Gabriel was truly an angel, or a trickster who would be the end of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That damn lollipop.

Sam had a full schedule. He had to make the most of his time at college, so he planned to apply for a 5 year, combined bachelor’s and master’s program later, to increase his chances of getting into a good law school. In order to fit in the extra year, though, he had to take a whopping 22 credits per semester. And that wasn’t counting the many discussions and labs he also had. He had 6 hours of class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 7 hours on Tuesdays, but Thursdays were his welcome respite.  
  
For his major, he was required to take a humanities elective. It could be on any of a variety of topics, so he chose ancient myths. The course catalog described it as “a journey through the ages through the eyes of monsters and demons.” The professor, Bobby Shirley, was a laid-back kind of man, and spent the two hour, once a week class rambling on about monsters and what lurked in the dark. He spoke of these creatures with a sort of reverence that had the entire class of 60 students at the edge of their seats. Everyone, except for one.  
  
Gabriel Novak, or as he introduced himself after class the first week, just Gabe, was a stoner. Or maybe he did harder drugs, like cocaine or something. Or maybe he was so drunk from the previous night he wasn’t hung over yet. But because every student got to class early (no one dared to be late, and Professor Shirley always started early), Sam often got stuck in the back with just Gabe.  
  
The best part though? Gabe was pretty cute.  
  
And definitely gay. Or bi, or pan, or maybe he just flirted with everything that moved for the heck of it. For god’s sake, he even flirted with Professor Shirley to get past being late to every class.  
  
“You’re looking pretty fine, there, Prof. Sure you couldn’t use a little help with class today?” Gabe would say, with an over exaggerated wink. “I could be the beast to your beauty.”  
  
“Sit down, Novak. Don’t think I won’t smite you for being late.” Because ‘Gabriel’ is an angel’s name, Professor Shirley often called on Gabe to answer questions about angels, though Gabe felt more at home talking about Loki and Coyote and all manner of tricksters, and even fit the part, with his iconic lollipop.  
  
That damn lollipop.  
  
Gabe would waltz back to sit in the row in front of Sam, always a little off to the side, but close enough to catch Sam’s attention. Then he’d sit back in his chair, sometimes putting his feet up when he felt particularly daring (“Get your damn boots off the table, Novak!”), and pull a lollipop from his red leather jacket. Putting it in his mouth, he’d spent class doing all sorts of devious things to that poor lollipop, leaving Sam’s face as red as the man’s jacket. He always ducked out of class right when it ended, running for the bathroom for some relief.  
  
“If you like this guy, why don’t you just ask him out?” His friend, Jess, would ask. After finding out that Sam was gay, she had immediately stopped flirting with him and made it her personal mission to find Sam a boyfriend before winter break. Before fall break, if she was feeling particularly optimistic.  
  
“I don’t know if he’s even gay. And what if he is? I don’t think I’m exactly his type.”  
  
“And how do you know that? Maybe his type is tall, sexy –“  
  
“Awkward, nerdy – “  
  
“Lovable, passionate, and did I mention sexy?”  
  
“Jess, you said you’d stop hitting on me.”  
  
“Hey, just window shopping here, Sammy. I can’t believe anyone would turn you down!”  
  
But Sam could believe it. They dropped the subject, and continued studying late into the night. It wasn’t like he had time for a relationship anyway. And he wasn’t exactly one for one night stands, not after… well, he didn’t have time for that. Not if he wanted to get accepted to Harvard law school in a couple of years.  
  
Sam focused on his classes, joined a few clubs, even went to a few Queer Student Assembly meetings, noting that Gabriel was not in attendance. He stopped going after being hit on by several tall, very affectionate men. They were just too tall, not blonde enough, their eyes didn’t have that glow… He didn’t realize until he turned down a handsome man that he’d normally be all over, he had it bad for Gabriel Novak.


	3. Fall Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean! Some side Destiel fluff because why the hell not.

Sam spent his thanksgiving break being thankful for Dean moving. Dean had finally found a good job an hour from Sam’s college, so he could visit more, and a small apartment not much bigger than Sam’s dorm room. Sam assumed Dean would be spending more time at a certain man’s apartment than his own, so it didn’t matter much. In fact, Dean’s new place was more of a formality, as he was practically living at Cas’s place already.  
  
Dean had met Cas after leaving Sammy at college. He had driven a mile from campus, and found a bar. Even at 4 in the afternoon, Dean knew he needed a stiff drink. He got out, and ordered a whiskey. He only ever drank that on special occasions, but he felt that leaving his baby brother at college warranted an occasion.  
  
“Are you celebrating, or mourning?” A man in a tan trench coat asked as he sat down next to him at the bar.  
  
Dean looked at the man quizzically. “Both I guess.” He tossed back his drink, and signaled to the bartender for two more. “How about you, what’s got you drinking at… 4 in the afternoon?”  
  
The man sighed, speaking plainly, “I just dropped my idiot little brother off at college. I decided to stick around in case he gets in trouble already. He’s always pulling pranks on people, and who knows what he’ll do now that he has steady access to booze, drugs, and women.” The man downed his drink, and then simply stared into the empty glass, as if it held all of the answers.  
  
“Wow, man. I wouldn’t worry too much. I just dropped my little brother off at college, too. He’s super smart, and I know he’ll do well, but I hope he remembers to have fun as well as study. He’s always felt like he needs to prove himself, he’s got this whole ten-year plan to get him into Harvard, and become this bigshot lawyer. Hell, I don’t even know what I’ll be doing next week, let alone next year!” Dean looked up from his third drink when the man didn’t respond. He realized how much personal information he was revealing to a man he’d met not ten minutes ago.  
  
“Name’s Dean. Dean Winchester.”  
  
“Castiel Novak. Call me Cas.”  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, Cas. Sorry about the information overload. I guess I didn’t realize how much I’m gonna miss Sammy.” Their conversation continued from there, and they left together, to get dinner. They didn’t realize it was a date until Dean reached up to kiss the slightly taller man, leaning them back against his car.  
  
“Dean,” Cas breathed into Dean, who had him pinned against the Impala.  
  
Dean leaned back, looking down, spluttering an apology. “Oh my god – I’m so sorry, Cas. That was way forward of me, and I shouldn’t have assumed this was a date, which it totally wasn’t, you know what, I’m just gonna g-“ Cas kissed him hard on the mouth, so hard that Dean almost fell backwards. Instead, he opened the back door of the Impala.  
  
  
Dean later found out that Cas lived only two hours from him, about an hour outside the college town that Sam now called home. They went on several more dates over the course of the next two months. Cas even helped Dean look for jobs, mostly in his own city, Dean quickly noticed.  
  
“It’s where all the mechanics are needed, I guess.” Cas would say nonchalantly, but Dean knew that Cas really liked him, and wanted him to be near.  
  
It was during Sam’s fall break that Sam finally met the famous Castiel. He still hadn’t realized his relationship with a certain cute trickster until he walked into Cas’s apartment for Dean’s welcome party.  
  
“Oh, Cas, I didn’t need a party, you know I just wanted to spend a night with you, you know, alone…” Dean whispered in Cas’s ear, and Cas almost caved in to Dean’s sexy voice (it wasn’t fair that Dean already knew his weaknesses!), when he remembered why he had this dinner party in the first place.  
  
“Dean, we will have plenty of time alone together in the future. But, you know I’m not close with my parents, and I still want you to meet my family, so while my step-brother is in town on break, I want you to meet him. And with Sam in town helping with your move, I can get to know him too.”  
  
“Okay, Cas, you make a valid point. But I will hold you to that alone time.” It was then that Sam walked in on the couple in the kitchen, and promptly walked right back out, booking it out of whatever the hell was about to happen in there when –  
  
“Sam?”  
  
The fuck is HE doing here? Sam thought. And then he said incredulously, “What the hell are you doing here?”  
  
“I could ask the same thing of you, Winchester.” Gabriel had never called Sam by his first name in class or around campus, only ever calling him Samsquatch, or Gigantor, or even on occasion, Moose, which Sam definitely didn’t swoon over after Gabe had gone. But today Gabe was confused and maybe even a little pissed at seeing him.  
  
“Um, my brother’s boyfriend lives here? And also kinda my brother?”  
  
“Oh no, are you saying, aw hell no, CAS! CASTIEL! DON’T TELL ME THE WINCHESTER YOU’RE BONING IS THE BROTHER OF MY CR – CLASSMATE!” Sam could’ve sworn he’d heard Gabriel almost say “crush,” but he wrote it off as he watched Gabe storm into the kitchen.  
  
“Oh, sorry about that Gabe. Yes, my love has a brother who is a student at your school. I assumed you two would meet eventually, but I didn’t think it of import.” Dean looked at Cas, as if to say 'my love? I’ll show you some love tonight!' but Cas simply looked at Gabe to gauge his reaction.  
  
“May I speak to you in private, my wonderful brother?” Positively dripping with sarcasm, Gabriel dragged Cas through the living room and out onto the front step of Cas’s apartment. Sam couldn’t hear their conversation, but Dean just continued putting plates on the table and took a casserole out of the oven.  
  
“Man, Cas has got you whipped.”  
  
“Shut up, bitch.”  
  
“Jerk.”  
  
  
Sam didn't figure out what Gabriel’s problem was, and after Cas and Gabe returned, they sat down and ate. Gabriel didn’t speak a word, but Cas interrogated Sam to such a degree that Dean and Gabriel couldn’t have gotten a word in edgewise if they wanted. After dinner, Gabe disappeared in the kitchen for two hours, after saying he was just going to whip up some pie real quick. Cas and Dean started making out on the couch instead of watching the show they had on the TV, so Sam left the love birds alone to explore the apartment.  
  
It was a small, cozy apartment, clearly meant for a single man, or two men who spent a lot of quality time together, and its best feature, according to Sam at least, was the balcony. Even though Cas lived on the first floor, the apartment complex sat on a hill, so there were two floors of basement and subbasement below the balcony. A small communal yard with a small playground sat behind the apartment building, and as Sam leaned against the balcony railing, he watched as a few kids played on the swing set and monkey bars. It reminded him of a similar scene, on that fateful day.  
  
Lost in troubling thoughts, he didn’t hear Gabe open the sliding door, or step behind him, and didn’t notice him until he touched his arm tentatively. Sam jumped, but seeing it was only Gabe, he quickly calmed down. Gabe looked a little worried, but just said “Pie’s done” and walked back inside.


	4. A bad feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gabriel disappears, Sam goes looking for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for attempted suicide.
> 
> I like to think Sam trusts his gut and knows when something is wrong.

Sam didn’t hear much from Gabriel. His only other Thursday class, which was before his *Gabriel Class* and had made him late every week, was his stupid “intro to college” class. Luckily, the class only lasted one week after fall break, leaving him with enough time to get to class early for once. He made up for his previous tardiness by getting to class half an hour early to speak to the Professor. Professor Shirley, or Bobby as he liked to be called, was one cool dude.

              “And then he sliced the vampires head of with the razor wire! The head, with fangs still outstretched, rolled to the ground. But it was already too late! He had been turned, and could already feel the hunger for human blood welling up inside of him!”

              At this point, it was almost class time, and half of the students had come in and been caught up on the day’s story. Calls of “I’d forgotten about the razor wire!” and “No, he’s a vampire now!” echoed around him, but Sam couldn’t help but feel like the story was too detailed to be anything but a firsthand account. He chalked it up to his multiverse theory, and decided that, in another life, Bobby would’ve been the one hunting the monsters they discussed in class.

              Sam had sat in the front row, even left a seat next to him open by putting his backpack down there. But when Gabriel entered class ten minutes late, looking a little worse for wear, he slinked to the back of the room, and didn’t even attempt to flirt with anyone on the way back.

 

              Something was definitely wrong with the trickster. Sam didn’t notice at first, but after Gabriel stopped showing up to class, and Sam stopped seeing him around campus, he decided to take some action.

              He got Gabriel’s number from Cas, who he decided to keep on speed dial now that he and Dean were finally, officially, living together. He didn’t quite approve of the two going so fast, but Sam hadn’t seen Dean as happy as he was with Cas in, well, _ever._ Even after giving Cas the old “you hurt him, they don’t find your body” speech, he knew Cas was a good guy, and wouldn’t hurt Dean. He just hoped they wouldn’t try and get married for a few years.

              Sam: _Hey Gabe, this is Sam. I got your number from Cas._

              Sam: _Are you doing alright? Haven’t seen you in class in a couple of weeks._

              It was a few hours before he got a response.

              Gabe: _Hiya Sam! Sorry, I switched out of that class! Didn’t do well on that first midterm, if you know what I mean ;)_

Gabe: _It’s sweet to know you’re looking out for me though, see you around!_

But something didn’t sit well with Sam. He decided to text Dean.

              Sam: _Hey, do you know if something is up with Gabe? Is he depressed or something?_

Dean: _Where is this coming from, Sammy? Didn’t realize you cared about the guy ;)_

Five minutes later, Dean called Sam.

              “Hey Dean, what’s up – “

              “Hey, Sammy, where are you now?”

              “Uh, the library, I’m studying like I do every night.”

              “Well, how far are you from, uh, Green dorm?”

              “Two-minute walk, maybe – “

              “I need you to check on something for me, well for Cas, if you don’t mind. It’s kinda urgent.”

              “Alright, I’m on my way right now.”

              As Sam packed up and speed walked down the street to the older dorms, Dean filled him in. Dean also had a bad feeling about Gabe, so he had called Cas, who had called Gabe. Who hadn’t answered. Cas even figured out how to face time, to no avail. And Gabe always answered Cas’s calls.

              “Maybe he’s in the shower? Or has his phone off?”

              “No, Cas says he’s sure something is wrong.”

              “And you can’t just call his roommate?”

              “He lives alone, Sammy.”

              Cas explained that Gabriel hadn’t been doing so great the first half of the semester, so he’d been forced to drop about half of his classes, leaving just enough credits that he needed per semester. He’d also dropped all of his clubs and activities to focus on school, and gotten a tutor. But as the semester went on, he got more depressed, and as he pushed away his friends, the more depressed he got. Castiel suspected that the vicious cycle would have continued if he hadn’t stepped in the previous week. Gabriel had called him crying one evening, and Cas had come down to see him. Afterwards, he made Gabriel promise to visit the mental health center on campus.

              Later, they found that Gabriel never made it to his appointment that Monday, and hadn’t left his room since the previous Friday. It was Thursday when Sam raced toward the dorm.

              Sam’s gut told him something was wrong. As he got closer to the dorms, he felt worse and worse about the situation, and he practically ran to get inside, since you need a keycard to get in, and someone was just leaving. The elevator was down, and as Dean gave him the address – fifth floor, room 543, he felt his dread deepen.

              He practically leaped up the stairs, breathing heavily into the phone.

              “Sammy?”

              “Only on the fourth floor dean.”

              “Hey, no need to run, it could be nothing, Sammy.”

              “No, it could be everything.”

              Sam reached the fifth floor, and ran down the hall to the right. Realizing that all of those rooms had even numbered room numbers, he turned around and ran down the other way. He passed someone, who pointed right where the hallway forked again. As he started running again, the student muttered “that kid is weird as fu – “ but Sam didn’t stick around to see if the student was referring to him or Gabriel.

              Once Sam reached the door – room 543 – he paused. He dropped his heavy backpack to the ground, ran his hand through his hair, and righted the phone against his ear.

              “I’m gonna hang up, Dean. I’ll call you in a minute.”

              “I’m sure it’s nothing, Sammy. It’ll – “ Sam didn’t hear what Dean had to say, since he dropped his phone as he heard a yelp from inside the room.

              _Either Gabe is having some really kinky sex, or he’s just gotten hurt, self-inflicted or otherwise_ Sam thought to himself. Well, better safe than sorry.

              Sam tried the doorknob. Locked.

              He tried knocking. No response.

              He pounded on the door. Silence, then a thud from inside the dorm room.

              He yelled, “Gabe? Are you alright? Gabe!”

              He tried the door again, and in a moment of fear, and not caring about property damage, broke the cheaply made door down with a high kick, sending the door flying open.

              Sam’s phone was still on the floor where he’d dropped it, and at this point, some students had collected in the area to see what the screaming was about.

              “Gabriel?”

              It was dark in the room, and after Sam turned on the light, he quickly turned to the student nearest to the door, yelling “call 911!”

              Gabe was in the middle of the room, his wrists slit, having fallen off the bed in a heap, now being cradled by Sam.

              Once the emergency team had collected, well, more like tore from Sam’s arms, Gabriel, Sam finally picked up his phone from outside in the hallway.

              _5 missed calls from Castiel, 7 missed calls from Dean, 2 missed calls from Jess._

First, he called Dean, who he figured was with Cas at that point.

              “Dean, I’m so sorry – “

              “Dude, what the hell? Cas just got a call from the hospital saying Gabriel tried to kill himself?”

              “Yeah, he slit his wrists, he was just lying there, there was so much blood Dean, he just… “

              “Sam? Sammy? Hey, Sam! I just picked up Cas, we’re on our way down, we’re about halfway to town, we were gonna go right to the hospital, but we can pick you up if you want to go, or if you need help – “

              “I’m fine Dean. I think, I think I need to be alone right now. Call me with news about Gabe?”

              “Of – of course Sam,” he heard Cas say. Dean must have handed him the phone. “Thank you, Sam. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”

              “Yeah... I’m hanging up now.”

              “Alright, we’ll call you when we get to the hospital.”

              After that, Sam called Jess. She met him in front of his dorm, giving him a hug. Sam clutched her tight, burying his head in the crook of her shoulder. She went upstairs with Sam, cuddling up with the tall man under a big pile of blankets until he fell asleep with his head on her lap. In the dark room, she could still make out the bright pink sequined moose on the top most blanket that Sam clutched in his hand.


	5. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just hope you get better soon so I can show you how great the world can be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for attempted suicide and attempted rape.

Gabriel stayed in the hospital for a week. Besides the self-inflicted wounds on his wrists, he was malnourished after a week of surviving off of ramen.

              Cas stayed in town until Gabriel was released, but Dean was still new at his job, so he had to go home. Sam visited every day, though Gabe was always asleep or heavily medicated when he arrived. Sometimes he stayed and did homework, or took the opportunity to stare at Gabriel, but most of the time he just dropped by the hospital, which was a twenty-minute walk from his dorm, to say hi.

              Two days after what Cas was referring to as _the incident_ , Sam was sitting in a chair next to Gabe’s hospital bed. They couldn’t afford a private room in the small hospital, so they shared it with two other patients. It did nothing to raise the moral of the room.

              Sam had felt so bad about not coming to see Gab the second he arrived at the hospital, he had spent all of Friday afternoon, and now, Saturday morning, by Gabe’s side. They had Gabe on some pretty heavy stuff, so he’d only been occasionally groggily awake during that time. Cas was worried that Sam would get behind on his homework, but Sam assured him that this was more important.

              Early that afternoon, Dean showed up to visit with Gabe (and Cas), and made Sam go down to the hospital cafeteria to get some food (“don’t forget the pie!”). Sam got a sandwich for Cas, a crappy burger for Dean, a salad for himself, and some candy for Gabe. He forgot the pie.

              “Damn it, Sam! Whatever, I’ll just go get the pie myself, then,” Dean said in a huff, grabbing Cas and storming down to the cafeteria. Cas and Sam knew that Dean was just projecting his anger and helplessness about the situation.

              Not hungry, he set the candy down on the table next to Gabe’s bed. He couldn’t help but notice that, beside him, Cas, Dean, and Jess, nobody had come to visit Gabe. _Maybe some of his classmates will come this week_ Sam thought, but he knew the chance was slim to none.

              “You’re so perfect, you know that, Gabe?” Sam sat on the bed with Gabe, after pulling the curtain around the bed, though Gabe’s new roommates were sound asleep, as was Gabe. “I just – it makes me so angry that I wasn’t there for you. I wish you would’ve come talk to me, I wish…” Sam didn’t know what to say even when Gabe was asleep. “Oh, Gabe. You’re, you’re gorgeous but you’re a flirt. You’re petty, but you’re loyal. You’re passionate but you’re mischievous. You drive me crazy, Gabriel, you’ve driven me crazy since the day we met. Why couldn’t I have just gotten over my own shit long enough to see yours? Why couldn’t I have just spent one selfless second thinking about someone else, someone who actually has it worse than me? Gabe, I just want you to know – even though you’re asleep,” Sam chuckled, “I want you to know that I think you’re amazing, and, and I like you. And when you wake up, I’m going to ask you out.

              “If you say yes, and only if you say yes, I’m going to take you out on dates. Not like Dean takes out Cas, because, eww. I’m going to take you to see foreign films and art museums. I’ll treat you to mini vacations up to the mountains, or to hikes near the lake, or to the beach down south, whatever you like. We’ll watch cheesy movies, and you’ll find out how much of a romantic I am. I’ll bring you flowers when you’re down, and chocolates when I’m proud of you, which will be all the time. I’ll walk you to therapy if you choose to go, and make sure there is a safe space for you. And, I have to admit, I’m a cuddle whore. I love just getting wrapped up in blankets, and snuggling.

“I want only the best for you, Gabe. I just hope you get better soon so I can show you how great the world can be.” With this, Sam lay down in the hospital bed, and since he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in days, feel promptly asleep. Gabe opened his eyes to see that Sam was snoozing soundly by his side. He smiled to himself, shifting to let the larger man spoon him.

 

              By the time Gabriel got back from the hospital, it was almost finals week. Cas and Gabe’s academic advisor agreed that Gabe would not be taking his finals, and that he should either retake his first semester in the spring, or take a gap semester.

              Sam took all of his finals, which completely burnt him out. He decided he didn’t want to spend a month under the same roof as his Dad, so he asked to crash on Dean’s couch.

              “I dunno, Sammy, Gabe is gonna be there too…” At this point, Dean had figured out Sam’s crush on Gabe, and was taking every opportunity to tease Sam, though he knew to be careful, especially now. “We only have one pullout couch…”

              “Geez, Dean. If it’s that much of a problem, I’ll stay with Dad.”

              “Aww, come on, Sammy, I’m just teasing! Cas and I would be happy for you to stay here. Though it might get pretty cramped…”

              “I’ll be taking a January Term class for three weeks anyway, so I’ll be out of your hair after new years.”

              “Dean, are you making Sam feel unwelcome? Sam, this is Cas on speakerphone, you are welcome in our home for as long as you like. Speaking of which, we have something we’d like to tell you.”

              _Uh oh_ Sam thought. _If they got engaged, so help me…_

“We got a dog!” Dean yelled into the phone with a little too much enthusiasm. “His name is Rufus and he’s this giant St. Bernard, and he’s quite intelligent, Sammy, you two will get along quite well – “

              “Dean! Your apartment barely fits the two of you, let alone a dog and two guests!”

              “Dean, did you not tell him?” Sam could hear Cas and Dean bickering in the background. Finally, Cas spoke up, “We found a bigger apartment! It’s on the other side of town, closer to our respective places of work. It has a guest bedroom, and a big enough shared courtyard for Rufus to play in.”

              “And no freaky abandoned playground like our current apartment!” Dean piped in. Sam was glad. The playground, even without the awful memories arising, gave him the heeby geebies.

              “Alright then,” Sam sighed, “I guess I’ve been enlisted to help you two move again?”

 

              Once Cas and Dean had finally settled in, it was almost Christmas. Gabe was feeling much better, but everyone could tell he was feeling a little embarrassed, even ashamed, about recent events. Cas and Dean, and especially Sam, worked hard to make sure he felt welcome and loved.

              “Hey, Gabe, all the lights on this string are broken, can you run to Walmart to get a new string? I’ll even let you get some of those mint chocolate snowmen cookies you always love…” Cas asked three days before Christmas, when they finally had a chance to put up decorations.

              “Heya Gabe! How are you doing, pal?” Dean was the most awkward with Gabe, but he tried. “We’re gonna invite some work friends over for a little Christmas party, do you mind whipping up some sweets for us?”

              “Gabe? Gabe, are you crying? Gabe, what’s the matter?” Sam had found Gabe on the balcony of the old apartment. Because of the holiday season, Cas and Dean’s landlord had been nice enough to give them until new years to move out. It didn’t help that they couldn’t afford a moving van, so they had taken dozens of trips already to move all of the furniture and odds and ends.

              Cas and Dean were feeling particularly joyful the day after Christmas; Sam suspected it had to do with the unnamed Christmas gift Cas had promised to give to Dean. Sam didn’t want to know what was going to happen next, so he had hightailed it out of there, volunteering to go with Gabe to pack up any remaining stuff that might be in the old apartment.

              Gabe had disappeared for half an hour before Sam thought to go look for him. He panicked for a full five minutes when he didn’t get an answer to his shouts of “Gabe? Gabe, where did you go?” As he walked through the house, searching, he happened to see the sliding door to the balcony was open.

              “Gabe? Are you alright?” Sam couldn’t help but worry, but Gabe was just leaning against the railing, looking out at the grey sky which made the small park look more dreary than usual.

              “Hey Sasquatch.” Gabriel almost whispered, without any of his usual gusto.

              “Hey, hey, what’s the matter? Is there anything you need, can I –“

              “Sam. Sammy.” Sam melted at his own name, even though Gabriel had interrupted him without even looking up. “Sam, when are you going to learn, that you _can’t_ help. That nobody will ever love me, I’m just a fat, terrible person. I wish you hadn’t found me that day.”

              Sam didn’t respond to Gabe’s words, just walked up right behind him, and hugged him from behind. At first Gabe stiffed at the invasive touch, but soon he melted into the larger man’s embrace. He turned around, wrapping his own arms around Sam’s torso. He couldn’t even link his hands together, so he grabbed at Sam’s large sweatshirt.

              “You’re not fat, and you’re not terrible, Gabriel. You are a wonderful person, and we’re going to get you the help that you need. I’m going to help you, if you want me to. I’m going to show you how wonderful the world can be.”

              At the repetition of the words he had heard almost a month prior, something in Gabriel clicked. He’d assumed he’d dreamed the encounter, but with his chest on Sam’s and hearing those same words, he instinctively knew, it wasn’t a dream.

              Gabe looked up, not exiting the embrace, just lifting his chin until he could see up into Sam’s eyes. He raised himself onto his toes, stretching up until he could almost see Sam’s lips, the same lips that had tormented him all those months ago in history class. He hadn’t thought Sam felt the same way about him though, how could he? But in this moment, with Sam leaning down with an inquisitive, bird-like expression, he felt hope.

              He reached up the last few inches, pressing his lips to Sam’s. A sigh escaped his lips as Sam leaned down farther, turning them around to press Gabe against the sliding door. Gabe had never been happier than in this moment, when –

              Sam abruptly straightened up, leaving Gabe gasping for air a foot below him. “I’m sorry, Gabe, I just –“

              “You just don’t feel the same way.” Gabriel said, feeling rejection and shame building up in his gut. “I’m sorry, I thought you ‘liked me,’ I thought you wanted to see the world with me…”

              “That’s just it, Gabe. I do!” Gabriel had tried to walk through the door, but Sam stepped between it and the smaller man. “I do, I like you so much, Gabe, hell, you’ve been driving me crazy for _months._ ” Sam paused, running a hand through his long hair, looking down at his shoes nervously. “I just want to do right by you. I don’t want you to be some one night stand, or something casual. _I want all of you_.” Sam took Gabriel’s hands in his, looking into those golden eyes that had driven him crazy for so many months.

              Gabriel couldn’t believe his ears. “So why did you stop? You’re lying, that’s the only way this is possible. You don’t really want me.” Gabriel felt his ears burning hot, but Sam grabbed his face, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

              Sam was still close to Gabe’s face when he whispered, “I want all of you, Gabe. I was, _I am,_ just afraid that you didn’t want it too…”

              It was Gabe’s turn to press kisses on Sam, this time on his cheeks, his nose, and then his lips. “Oh Sam, who could refuse you. I don’t deserve you.” But at these words, Sam pulled away, breathing heavily.

              “Sam, are you okay?” This time it was Gabriel checking on the other man.

              “Yeah, just, I, the last time someone said those words to me, something terrible happened.” Sam tried to go inside like Gabe had a minute ago. Instead of keeping him out in the cold – and it was _cold_ – Gabe lead Sam into the empty apartment. He sat him down on the floor in front of the last heater that was still on, quickly running to the car. He had remembered something.

              “Cuddle whore, huh?” Gabriel quietly teased Sam as he dropped the half a dozen ‘emergency blankets’ that Dean had put in the car.

              Grabbing the nearest blanket and draping it over his shoulders, patting the ground next to him for Gabe to join him, he asked, “now who told you that?”

              “You did, Sasquatch.”

              It slowly dawned on him that Gabe might have been awake during his little speech in the hospital. He blushed, whispering, “you weren’t supposed to hear that. I didn’t wanna ask you out too early, I didn’t want to push you.”

              “You have got to stop treating me like I’m some fragile doll that’s going to break if you breath too hard on me!” Gabe had been leaning against Sam’s side, but at this outburst he almost got up and stormed off. It was only Sam’s gentle hand on his own that brought him back. “It’s just, everyone looks at me like I’m a screw up, for fucks sake I tried to off myself, what kind of person _does_ that to a brother like Cas? I don’t deserve him. Hell, why are you even here, I don’t deserve you either.” Gabriel was slowly crawling into a ball in Sam’s lap.

              “Gabriel. Gabe.” Sam soothed the blonde, shushing him and running his large hand through golden hair. “Gabe, I know…”

              Gabe looked up at this. “Know what?”

              “What… what it’s like. The looks, the pain…” Sam was quiet now, and Gabe looked up to see tears in the brunettes eyes.

              Gabe sat up in Sam’s lap, reaching up, kissing tears from Sam’s cheek, who stiffened, then melted a little as Gabe kissed down his face, reaching his mouth. When Gabriel turned Sam’s chin up, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to reach up and kiss him.

              A minute later, they broke the kiss with a sigh. “Tell me,” Gabe whispered. “Only if you want to, though Sammy.”

              Sam didn’t know if it was the look or the aftermath of the kiss (and what else could it be but the aftermath, that kiss would have knocked him off of his feet had he been standing), but he knew he wanted to finally, finally talk about _it._

              “I do want to. I just, I’ve never told anyone, Dean doesn’t even know…”

              “It’s OK Sammy, I’m here for you.”

              “… It happened during 10th grade…” Sam told the story as Gabe listened reverently. At some point, Gabe found a box of tissues, which both of the men used generously.

              It was three, going on four, years prior, during Sam’s sophomore year. Waiting in the back of the library, he was excited, a bit nervous, but all around happy, the happiest he had been, well, since his mother had died ten years before, almost to the day.

              Sam always knew he was gay. It was never a problem at home – heck, Dean’s bisexuality was never questioned, even if he did get a stink eye from their dad on the rare occasion Dean took a guy out. Sam was much more shy than Dean, he hadn’t gone on any dates or kissed any guys going into high school, and it hadn’t looked like he would. Not that Sammy was going to let his shy demeanor keep him from developing a crush on the hottest guy in their school.

              Resident badboy, known only as _Lucifer,_ was the subject of many of Sam’s daydreams. It didn’t help that the guy spent all of math class with his pen in his mouth, slouched in his seat not far from Sam. It was Ruby who got him to eventually talk to the guy.

              “What would I even say? I don’t think he even knows I exist.”

              “So we’ll have to change that little fact,” Ruby said deviously. “Aha! I bet he’s terrible at math, so just offer to tutor him before the next test!”

              “… Ruby, I’m not going to – “

              “Nonsense! Just casually mention that the next test is gonna be super _hard –“_ “ _Ruby!” –_ “and that you could, you know, help him relieve some stress!” By now Sam’s ears were burning, but he had to admit, the plan sounded pretty good at the time.

              So after math class the next day, he set his plan into motion. And it went off without a hitch. Hell, if anything, _Luci_ , as he asks Sam to call him, seemed eager for their _study session._

That afternoon, instead of waiting for Dean to pick him up, he met Lucifer in the library to help him study. Or rather, try to keep him on topic. Sam actually did need to study for this test, since he was taking a senior level calculus class, hence sharing a class with _Luci_. But the man took every opportunity to touch him, flirting easily and quickly turning Sam a shade of red that would rival a ripe tomato. By the end of their study session, Lucifer had worked him up so bad he didn’t even blink at the man’s offer to drive him home. It was only when they pulled into an empty parking lot a couple blocks from Sam’s house that he felt something was wrong.

              Lucifer was looking at him _hungrily_ , like he couldn’t wait to _devour_ Sam. He reached over and cupped Sam’s cheek, leaning in for a kiss. Sam balked at first, but then gave in. Expecting the kiss to end quickly, he pulled back, reaching for the door. But Lucifer wasn’t having it. He pulled Sam back, leaning him down in his seat as he slowly lowered it.

              “Luci, I don’t think –“ Sam tried to speak, but Lucifer held a finger to his lips.

              “Shhhh, Sammy. Don’t speak.” Lucifer continued lowering Sam’s seat, before climbing over the console into Sam’s lap. He ripped off his shirt, and leaned down to kiss Sam before Sam could make any further arguments.

              “No, Lucifer, STOP!” The man did pause, but he just chuckled, and started undoing Sam’s belt and zipper. At this point, Sam was in quite a panic, and had grabbed the door handle.

              “I SAID NO!” He almost screamed. At this point, he wasn’t shy Sammy with a crush; he was in a blind rage at this man who was determined to use him.

              “Sammy, I thought this was what you wanted!” Lucifer had gotten out of the car, and was leaning on the passenger door. “That’s why you asked to help ‘tutor’ me, right?”

              “I don't want casual sex or a one night stand, Luci. I... I wanted to take you out on a real date sometime...” Sammy said, standing tall, even as he felt very, very small. “I think I should go home now.”

              “Your loss, man.” Lucifer threw Sam’s bag at him, and walked around the front of the car. He gave Sam a look, like _he_ was at fault here, not Lucifer. Sam watched him go, before sighing and starting the walk home. His phone was dead, so he couldn’t call Dean to let him know where he was.

              He was walking past the small playground when _they_ saw him.

              The group of guys had given him a hard time his whole public school career. For being small, then for being big. For being the new kid, for being a nerd. And more recently, for being a _fag._ Sam hated them, but Dean had threatened them enough times that they usually let him go with only a few snears and curses.

              Usually.

              Tonight, though, it seemed the three men – no, boys – had a particular bone to pick with him. It didn’t help that his hair and clothes were messy from Lucifer sitting in his lap.

              “Look, the fairy got some action tonight!” It started with wolf whistles and catcalls, but as Sam neared the end of the block, he felt the first punch. It knocked him to the ground, and he saw stars. He tried to get up, but a swift kick to his gut kept him down.

              He didn’t know how long it lasted, but eventually their leader saw someone coming, and they hightailed it out of there. Sam curled up in a ball on a bench near the road, where Dean eventually found him after scouring the neighborhood.

              “Oh, Sammy.” This sort of thing had happened before, hell, it had happened to Dean too, but Dean had taken up boxing, and kept insisting that Sam take it too. Though Sam was a pacifist and had previously refused classes, Dean guessed he would be taking a newly hardened man to class the next week.

              Sam almost didn’t make it to next week.

              Dean found him sitting on his bed, a bottle of pills in his hands. When he walked in, he simply said, “Sammy,” and ran to him. Dean was not an emotional man, but he knew that Sam needed him.

              Sam went to therapy and boxing every week for the rest of the year. Dean picked Sam up from school every day, even if it meant taking off work. Even once he could defend himself, he was so damaged emotionally that he never again asked someone out.

 

              Until Gabriel.


	6. A masterpiece of cunning and theatrics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always love a good scavenger hunt.

Sam and Gabriel went home that day feeling weak, but also stronger. They decided not to officially date until Gabe got back on his feet, but that didn’t stop Gabe from sneaking kisses when Cas and Dean weren’t paying attention.

              Gabriel wanted to take J-Term classes with Sam, so he retook his English and history classes. He even took a short, one week seminar from Professor Shirley that was all about Angels.

              Slowly but surely, Gabe got back on his feet. Sam got to know him inside and out, and he knew he was feeling better when he approached Sam about pulling a prank on Professor Shirley.

              “I dunno, Gabe, he’s been nothing but nice to us, we should be giving him a gift if anything.”

              “Oh we will, Sasquatch.” Gabe winked, and ducked behind his laptop, laughing maniacally. Sam knew it would be all in good fun, so he decided to help out.

              The “prank” was essentially a scavenger hunt, involving complex codes, finding clues, and not one, not two, but four different actors. Where Gabriel dragged up four drama students from, Sam’ll never know. But on the last day of class, the plan was set in motion.

              Sam came to pick Gabe up from his Angels class for lunch, and casually mentioned, rather loudly, that Gabe shouldn’t forget to bring his _very special, unique, super old, super rare book on Angels_ with him. Of course, Gabe left it on the desk, and Sam and Dean ducked around the corner to see if Professor Shirley took the bait.

              He did.

              The Professor picked the book up, and a piece of paper slid out and fell to the floor. Sam didn’t know how Gabe knew this would work, but like clockwork, Bobby was wandering around the classroom, looking for clue #1.

              Sam and Gabe quietly followed Bobby around the school as he visited the library, the bookstore, the cafeteria, and finally the coffee shop. Gabriel had plants in all of these locations who helped guide the professor from place to place, without being obvious. Sam believed that Bobby knew he was getting played, but the longer the hunt lasted, the less he was sure. Wasn’t it cruel to make a man believe in something that wasn’t real?

              Eventually, the hunt culminated in a fake battle between Sam and Gabriel. Gabriel leaped out of the bushes where they had been hiding, running into the street. Sam leaped after him, in an outfit of fake armor, brandishing a collapsible sword. Gabriel was dressed as an angel, with three sets of wings, a halo, and a white robe. They probably looked ridiculous fighting in the street, but it was enough of a spectacle to get the attention of the Professor.

              Sam’s job was to lure Gabriel closer to the coffee shop, which was easily done, since Gabriel had forgotten to bring a weapon. At one point, he attempted some sort of jedi mind tricks, but Sam told him to cut it out.

              The professor had been given several ingredients at the various checkpoints, and was instructed by Sam (yelling from still pretty far away) to mix them all together, and to throw them in Gabriel’s face.

              Bobby made a good show of it, mixing up the flour, random herbs, and salt in a bowl. He brandished the mixture, running right into the fray. He called out, “Watch out, Sammy boy!” and all but chucked the bowl as Gabriel. Gabe was only hit below the knees, but he yelled, “My legs! I’m melting!” and fell to the ground in a heap. Two of his drama kids came over with a fog machine and a ton of glitter, covering Gabriel, who then escaped to take off his costume.

              Sam removed his helmet, bowing in front of Bobby. “Thank you, good sir, I hadn’t realized that the trickster causing trouble was actually an angel! But with your help, we’ve gotten rid of him, forever!” Sam didn’t know quite what he expected from his old Professor, but it wasn’t laughter.

              “Good show, my boys! That was one hell of a LARP!”

              “A _LARP_!?! THAT WAS A MASTERPIECE OF CUNNING AND THEATRICS!!” Gabriel ran up from where he had changed, still pulling on his sweatshirt. “That costume was FREEZING! Sam, why did you let me wear that?”

              “Because you said, and I quote, I’m too tall to be an angel!”

              “Oh right you are, right you are, Sasquatch. Well, how did you like it, Bobby _my boy_?” Gabriel turned from Sam to see his professor still doubled over from laughter.

              “It was… magnificent… I haven’t seen an extra credit project this good… in years! You had me confused for a second there, but that was very creative of you!”

              “Wait, extra credit? What extra credit?” Sam cut Gabriel off before he tried to refuse extra points. Gabriel had done pretty good in Professor Shirley’s class, but he needed all the points he could get.

              In the background, the drama kids were cleaning up, and the coffee shop customers were slowly wandering back inside. Sam and Gabriel talked to Bobby for a while longer, but soon returned to Sam’s dorm.

              “Gabriel…”

              “What is it, Sam-I-Am?” Gabriel was enjoying coming up with new, positive nicknames for Sammy, but his favorite was the very affectionate _Sasquatch_.

              “I told you I’d wait until you were back on your feet, and I think you’ve really gotten a lot better in the past month, but I don’t want to push you…”

              “Oh, Sammy.” Gabriel suddenly got very serious. “If anyone is afraid of pushing anyone, it’s me. I don’t want to any faster than you’re comfortable.”

              “Just! Fucking! Bone! Already!” They heard Sam’s neighbor yell through their thin shared wall. He heard his door slam and loud steps echo down the hall. Sam knew his neighbor was joking, but he could still feel his cheeks heating up in a blush.

              “Sam – “

              “Gabriel, I want you all of you, I want you like I told you that day. I want to take you on walks on the beach, and up in a hot air balloons, and to see stupid things like the world’s largest ball of twine. Which isn’t really all that big. I want to take you on dates, and I want to show you how wonderful and beautiful and just _perfect_ you are. But right now, I just want – “

              “I know Sammy, and we’ll get to those things, but I think we both know what we need right now.”

              “Right you are.” Sam said with a wink. “But first, Gabriel, will you be my boyfriend?”

              “Silly Sasquatch, you already _are_!” With that Gabriel straddled his boyfriend’s legs, leaning him down on the bed, kissing him hard.

              Sam grinned into the kiss, but paused. Gabriel felt a pang of fear, that maybe Sam didn’t want this after all. But he had nothing to fear, Sam just took a moment to move Gabriel’s hair out his face, pulling his idiot boyfriend down for another breathtaking kiss.

 

Sam graduated after three years, and got a full ride scholarship to his master’s program. He then went to law school, and became a successful lawyer who spent his free time helping immigrants and those who couldn’t afford representation.

Gabriel took five years to graduate because he spent a semester abroad in paris with Sam. He then worked closely with Professor Shirley to create his own master’s program, learning all about the supernatural in all cultures.

They both found jobs in a city near where Cas and Dean were happily (and recently) married. Cas and Dean were looking to adopt a child, and would adopt twins after three years of searching. They named the girls Mary and Samantha.

Gabriel proposed to Sam on a Tuesday morning while they made coffee. He got down on one knee, saying, “I was going to take you on this fancy dinner, and they were going to make a fancy cake to put this in, but then I found you’d already bought a ring, and I needed to propose first!” Indeed, Sam had bought a ring, and had planned to propose to Gabe that weekend, if he hadn’t been beaten to the punch.

They adopted three golden retrievers, and lived happily for the rest of their days.

The end


End file.
